Outfit Anarchy
by ColdFusion180
Summary: The Acolytes go to a clothing store.


**Outfit Anarchy**

"Are we there yet?" Pyro asked hopefully.

"For the sixth time, no!" Sabertooth growled. "Now stop asking me!"

"But my leg's getting a cramp!" Pyro whined.

"I'll cramp you if you don't shut up!" Sabertooth snapped as he drove the large moving truck.

"We should be there in a few minutes," Piotr tried to placate things while riding in the forward passenger seat.

"I hope so," Pyro pouted. "I think my bum's asleep."

"I'd like to put **you** to sleep," Sabertooth muttered dangerously. "Permanently!"

"Why did we have to take this truck?" Mastermind piped up. He, Remy and Pyro were crammed into the back seat. "I feel like I'm packed in a sardine can. Couldn't we have taken the motorcycles?"

"We didn't have a second side car," Remy explained sitting on the right. Mastermind was squished between him and Pyro. "Or a fourth motorcycle. Though we'll probably end up getting one or the other for you eventually."

"Besides, we need room to carry everything back to the base," Piotr added. "And our other possible transportation choices were not as nondescript."

"No kidding," Mastermind said. "I can understand keeping a moving truck in your garage. But an ambulance and a zamboni?"

"Long stories," Remy waved. "Just souvenirs from some of our previous outings."

"Okay," Mastermind blinked. "Do I even want to know about them?"

"Only if you're interested," Remy shrugged.

"I don't know why you're complaining so much about being packed in back here," Pyro said to Mastermind. "You're smaller than any of us."

"Your **brain** is smallest of any of us," Mastermind snapped back. "I would have stayed behind at the base if I thought you could be trusted to get me new clothes!"

"At least you have not had much trouble borrowing our clothes since you have been with us," Piotr commented. "You have not complained about them being too big."

"Considering I arrived with only the clothes on my back I didn't have much choice," Mastermind sighed. "I never thought I would end up wearing hand-me-downs."

"You aren't the only one," Remy jerked a thumb at Pyro. "He's been borrowing tons of my stuff ever since he lost most of his wardrobe to the Pyro clones."

"The **what**?!" Mastermind blanched. "Did you just say...?"

"Yep," Remy nodded. "I did."

"You mean Pyro was...?" Mastermind gulped.

"Oh yeah," Remy confirmed.

"But how...?" Mastermind was stunned.

"Don't ask," Sabertooth growled as he, Remy and Piotr each gave an involuntary shudder. "Just don't ask."

"It's another long story," Remy told him.

"A long, insane story," Sabertooth muttered.

"O-kay," Mastermind blinked. "So you're saying there are really Pyro clones out there?"

"Yes. And no, we don't have any clue where they are," Remy supplied.

"We do not think we will ever see any of the Pyro clones again," Piotr said. "At least we hope not."

"Great," Mastermind groaned. "One more thing to keep me awake at night."

"Here we are," Piotr said as the Acolytes arrived in front of a large store and pulled into the parking lot.

"It's about time," Pyro winced as they piled out of the truck. "I can't feel my foot."

"Why did we have to come all the way out here just to get clothes?" Mastermind asked.

"Three reasons," Remy explained as they walked toward the store. "One, we haven't been to this part of town before so it's unlikely anyone will recognize us. Two, they have an extensive big and tall section," He gestured at Piotr. "And three, a large selection of their clothes are flame retardant."

"A necessity when spending time around Pyro," Piotr noted.

"Of course," Mastermind groaned before using his powers.

"What are you doing?" Piotr asked in surprise.

"I'm altering my appearance," Mastermind explained. He now appeared as a light-haired man in his mid thirties. "I prefer not to reveal my true self in public."

"If I looked like you I'd do the same thing," Remy quipped earning a glare.

"Wow, this place is big!" Pyro chirped as the Acolytes entered the store. "Let's hit the racks!"

"Hold on there, _homme_," Remy grabbed him by the collar. "You ain't wandering around here alone. Mastermind's going with you."

"ME?!" Mastermind yelped. "Why me?"

"Well this is your first time out of the base," Remy smirked. "And you are the new guy. So you get to watch Pyro and make sure he doesn't burn the place to the ground."

"WHAT?!" Mastermind shouted.

"Yay! Come on Masty!" Pyro cheered as he dragged Mastermind away.

"Help me," Mastermind whimpered.

"Have fun!" Remy waved at them.

"So where would you like to start first?" Piotr asked getting a shopping cart. "I would like to get some pants. And maybe a new jacket."

"Forget it. I ain't gonna spend time hanging around while you idiots play dress up," Sabertooth snorted. "I'm just here to get socks. I don't care what you do."

"Fine. Do whatever you want," Remy snapped as the Acolytes split up. "We'll meet you back at the truck."

"Stupid Cajun," Sabertooth growled as he stomped off trying to find the sock section. He found it after a minute and immediately began swiping socks. "They better have that fancy merino silk nylon style I like...hey, who took 'em all?!"

"Excuse me, lady," a disdainful voice brushed past him from behind.

"**Lady?!**" Sabertooth shrieked in fury.

"Humph, talk about uncouth," Principal Kelly sniffed as he continued walking away. From behind he had apparently mistaken Sabertooth to be female. "That lady is probably a mutant with that long, unkempt hair and atrocious nails of hers. Glad I got the last of the merino silk nylon socks before she did. What an ugly woman!"

"I'll show **you** ugly," Sabertooth stalked after Kelly with murder in his eyes.

"Hey, these are hot clothes!" Pyro chirped as he browsed through several racks in another part of the store. "They look so flamey! I'll take this and this and this and..."

"Yeah, yeah," Mastermind grumbled absently as Pyro tossed his selections into a cart. He wandered around and inspected a few things that might fit him.

"Ooo, these look great!" Pyro squealed at another outfit. "Wonder if they fit?"

"Hmmm," Mastermind chose some items he liked and brought them back to the cart. "Okay, I finally found some shirts my size and...Pyro cut that out!"

"Ha! Gotcha!" Pyro crowned as he finished removing the clothes from a mannequin.

"You idiot!" Mastermind hissed. "You're not supposed to take the stuff off the dummies you dummy...ahhh!" Mastermind yelped as he was hit in the face with a shirt.

"Ooo, these feel so comfy!" Pyro purred.

"What?" Mastermind tossed the shirt aside. "Hey! What do you think you're...stop! No! Don't you dare even...PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!"

"Not now," Pyro brushed him off. "I'm trying on these new clothes first."

"I can see that! And so can everyone else!" Mastermind snapped as Pyro proceed to change clothes in the middle of the store. Several passing shoppers stared at him in shock. "For pete's sake use a changing room!"

"Why? I got nothing to be ashamed of," Pyro smiled.

"Oh geeze," Mastermind groaned and turned away.

"I do not understand," Piotr frowned nearby standing at the entrance to the changing rooms while holding a large pile of clothes. A small crowd of saleswomen gathered around him. "It takes all of you to help one person?"

"Oh yes," An attractive saleswoman smiled at him. "The more eyes involved, the more easily we can help customize you with the most suitable attire."

"Okay," Piotr shrugged and indicated his arms. "But I do not even like some of these clothes. And they seem to be several sizes too small."

"Don't worry," Another saleswoman grinned at him. "We'll tell you which ones we like best."

"Yes we will!" The rest of the saleswomen looked eagerly at him.

"If you say so," Piotr gulped and quickly disappeared into a changing room.

"Ooo, this would look so good on you," Another young saleswoman giggled while holding a shirt in front of Remy. "It goes perfectly with your eyes."

"Not as much as you do," Remy flirted as he skillfully nabbed some items off a rack and slipped them into his trench coat.

"Are you alright in there?" The saleswoman knocked on the door to Piotr's changing room. "I'd be happy to give you some assistance."

"No! I mean, I am fine," Piotr could be heard blushing. "I will be out in a moment."

"Hurry!" Another saleswoman sang out.

"Pyro you'd better be wearing pants when I turn around," Mastermind grumbled cautiously doing so. "Hey! Where did he go?"

"Hahahahaha!" Pyro's maniacal laughing could be heard in the distance.

"Oh no," Mastermind gulped and quickly ran off. "That can't be good."

"Hey, who burned holes into all the hats?" A bewildered store employee called out from one section.

"How did those mannequins get stuck to the ceiling?" People gawked looking up.

"Help! Somebody started a hangar fight in the kids section and now all the girls are dueling with them!" Several frenetic salesmen emerged while sporting bruises.

"Okay. How does this look?" Piotr came out of the changing room wearing a very tight shirt and shorts.

"Delicious," The crowd of saleswomen ogled at him.

"Who got into the sizing labels?" A terrified employee called out among some pants racks. "They're not supposed to be stuck **there**!"

"Help! Some crazy kid tied me up with ties and I can't get loose!" A poor salesman hopped by frantically.

"AAAHHHHHH! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" People stampeded out an aisle crawling with large flaming crocodiles.

"What the?!" Mastermind gasped at the sight. "I'm supposed to control **this**?!"

"Look out! Some nut tied a bunch of elastic bras into a giant slingshot and is shooting mannequin heads all over the store!" Several people yelled as they fled to avoid the barrage.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! THE RESTROOMS ARE FLOODED!" A trio of employees swam out while covered head to toe in soap bubbles.

"Ah, now this is what I'm looking for," Remy grinned as he beheld a double row of women's undergarments. "Now to pick out the best stuff and leave 'em as a gift for Rogue!"

"RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!" A fleet of shopping carts sailed through the store filled with decapitated mannequins.

"SOMEBODY GET ME OUTTA HERE!" One poor employee rolled by stuffed inside fifty four layers of clothing.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"Aaahhhhhh! All the security cameras have exploded!" A frenetic salesman wailed.

"Help me!" An employee shouted near the checkout aisles. "All the shopping bags have melted!"

"AAAUUUGGGHHH!" A very disheveled Kelly staggered by wearing a bright floral dress.

"Ha!" Sabertooth hooted after him. "Who's the lady now, bub?"

"Hey you!" Several security guards appeared around a corner. "Come with us or we'll be forced to...AAAGGGHHHHHH!"

"Somebody get me off this thing!" A tied up salesman yelled as he spun on top of a rotating clothes rack. "I'm gonna be sick!"

"There's toilet paper all over the toddler department!" Another salesman stumbled out wrapped like a mummy.

"Help! The men's underwear aisle is on fire!"

SPPPRIIIIIITTTZZZZZZZZ!

"Ahhh!" Piotr yelped as some of the overhead sprinklers came on.

"Oh wow!" The crowd of saleswomen drooled as Piotr's clothes were soaked. "Now that's what I call vogue!"

"Who taped all the cashiers upside-down to the exit doors?!" A hysterical store manager screamed as people fled from the store in terror.

"Look out! Some wacko is going nuts with a pricing gun!" A pair of salesmen stumbled by plastered with pricing tags and stickers.

"AAAHHHHHH!" A security guard flew through the air and straight into a toddler display.

CRASH!

"Help! Some crazy kid stuffed me into this garment bag and I can't get out!" Another poor salesman shouted.

"There's a flying **what** in the women's department?!" An employee shrieked blanching.

"Hey, where are all the cash registers?"

"Hahahahaha!" Remy cackled as he sped away pushing an overflowing shopping cart.

"AAAGGGHHHHHH!" Several security guards fled dressed in a collection of skirts and dresses.

"YAAAHOOOOOO!" Pyro whooped zooming by riding in a speeding shopping cart.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"AAAHHHHHH!" People screamed as an entire rack of sunglasses glowed before exploding.

"Help! Some big blonde guy stuck me to a pegboard and I can't get loose!"

"AAAHHHHHH!" Piotr ran for his life. "GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"COME BACK HERE!" The mob of saleswomen eagerly chased after him. "WE HAVE SOME SWIMSUITS WE WANT YOU TO TRY ON!"

"Who swiped all the jewelry in the jewelry displays?" The store manager was sobbing uncontrollably.

"Somebody took my handbag!" One remaining customer shouted. "And my husband!"

"Fire! Fire! AAAUUUGGGHHH!" Employees ran around screaming in panic.

"Maybe staying behind at the base from now on isn't such a bad idea," Mastermind groaned slipping out of the store as chaos continued to reign within.

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution.**


End file.
